Dr. Allan Peterkin’s Staying Human During Residency Training: How to Survive and Thrive after Medical School was recently released in its 6th edition. It is the ultimate survival guide for medical students, interns, residents, and fellows, providing time-tested advice and the latest information on every aspect of a resident’s life – from choosing a residency program, to coping with stress, enhancing self-care, and protecting personal and professional relationships. For this 3 part series (read part 1 here, and part 2 here), Dr. Peterkin has provided us with tips from his book, and information on why they are important.
Tips for Avoiding Trouble in Couple Life
Residency training can put a strain on couple life. Factors include geographic moves (sometimes away from family and supports), less time for socializing, overloaded schedules (leading to more time apart), fatigue and irritability, and a growing imbalance in responsibility for household tasks and routines.
Here are some tips for keeping the lines of communication open, for actually deepening your relationship throughout your training, and for helping you avoid trouble in couple life:
• Remember that your partner is not medically trained and may need frequent explanations about expectations, scientific terms, causes of stress, procedures, and duties; however, avoid constant shop talk.
• Write out a schedule of shifts and rotations or online call schedules with probable hours, so your partner knows what to expect. Make a list of household tasks with your partner and discuss how to share them, taking into account each other’s workloads.
• Plan time alone together in advance, rather than hoping it will happen. Go out on a “date” at least once a week!
• Leave the job at the hospital. Avoid constant calls to the hospital or worrying about things you might have forgotten.
• If you’re both doctors, try to book the same calls.
• Acknowledge when you are tired, angry, or sad, and state the source of the feeling (the job, home, or elsewhere).
• Set aside a regular time to talk about your priorities and longterm goals as a couple, emphasizing things to look forward to.
• Call, Skype, or text home at least once a shift.
• Do things to increase closeness: have dinner together at the hospital on a call night, telephone each other, leave notes, arrange surprises, buy gifts, make playful gestures.
• Develop shared hobbies and activities: sports, gardening, home improvement, family visits, and so forth.
• Maximize support from family, friends, social events, and residency resources.
• Schedule time for sex – because of fatigue levels, if you don’t, it might not happen!
